something i should not be saying but must remember
Monday. 4.17.06 2:40 am
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l ao c ya ni d e: hey. i know it's late. and i know i shouldn't be saying this to you. but i have to. there are things on my mind and i feel as if i owe to the friendship that we held. i really let a bond be created between the two of us. and if not a bond, then i allowed my self to be more emotionally attached to you then i ever allow my self to be. but let me say this. i mourn the fact that i friendship became this. that the bond i thought we created was really something not worth perpetuating. but thank you. thank you for teaching me a vaulable lesson. and yes. i should not be telling you this. i should wait until i see you. but you are online and i have words to say that, at the moment, cannot wait. i'm sorry. i'm sorry for creating havoc in your life. i'm sorry for treating you as i have. and i'm sorry for opening up to you in the sense that i did. i was emotionally attached. and i'm sorry that you didn't feel the same way. but andrew. you are an amazing person. and stay that person. please. do. i learned so much fromm you. more then you think that you have taught me. i have to go on in a differernt direction, partially because of my choice, partially because of cohersion. but undnerstand. that you made a difference in my life. and i thank you. and am sorry. thats all. theres more i have to say to you on tuesday. but there is a great amount of gravity to what i say. ignore it, understand it, take it as you will. but yes. this is how i feel. and this may be alot for you to process but right now, i don't think i can keep silent. thats all. -pwan.
l ao c ya ni d e: don't respond. just think. ihave to go. and you. you have your own demons or problems to deal with. but... be the person i thought you were. cause that person was amazing. thats all...
how much did i cop out on that one? alot... ah. but. i can't keep it in at the moment.
stupid. horrendously stupid.... life is lilfe. and what can i do about it? nothing. absolutly nothing. tommorow morning and tuesday night i can. so until then. let it be.
untill then....
I hope you update on tuesday to say what happened.
» Dilated on 2006-04-17 11:24:59
yeah well. lets hope i have the balls to not cry infront of him on tuesday.
» Recentis on 2006-04-17 02:03:42
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